I have come to realize that all the teachings and all the understandings we accumulate on our path to personal development can suddenly seem like total bullshit when the process no longer works.
What I lost in the process of all the coaching I received over the years, was trust in myself. I will say that most likely I never had it, even though I thought I did, and more than that, I believed I trusted people, probably so much so, that I had blind faith. Not a good thing to have at all because you might be taken advantage of.
This led me to make sure that I wouldn't do to others what some had done to me. I was floored by the experience and wanted no part of it. I really did grow up thinking that being nice would be rewarding... but it's not. And it's worth pointing out that I was still in the victim mentality, even when I thought I wasn't.
There is a certain level of responsibility we must develop from within ourselves which I did not fully understand. I thought being kind (which is not the same as being nice) was a higher value. And I believe it is. But even that isn't enough. It wouldn't be as that isn't the same as personal responsibility.
It was really challenging for many years to accept, and understand, that I was responsible for everything that happened to me in my life. That, somehow felt like a massive burden to carry around, and I often wondered, "is this really true?" When I was rear-ended twice last year, both times while stopped at a red light and both by men on their phones, I thought, "I didn't create that... they are simply not paying attention."
It seemed inconceivable that I would just "create" that. I tried to understand it but really I didn't. The best I could do was to see that I was responsible for being in the wrong place at the wrong time twice... and even that was a stretch because I was fully stopped at a red light. These drivers did not "see" me because they were distracted. Did I really call that forth?
Personal responsibility is a term I came across more recently, and in comparison to "I am responsible for everything that shows up in my life," it felt softer to me. That was enough to get my attention... hear it differently... and open me up to greater awareness.
The way I see it, the Universe is much bigger than I am, so how could it be all up to me? And aren't we co-creators anyway?
Over recent years I stepped away from the mindset work to allow myself to be more wisdom-guided than mindset and action-guided in order to "make it happen."
I was simply exhausted by the "make it happen" mentality, and I became an advocate against it. It's not always only up to me. That's a lot of pressure, and it was wearing me out!
At the level of fatigue at which I was operating, I could not handle it. More importantly, I came to a deeper knowing that that was not my purpose in life and that God would not have designed me to have to spend years fixing myself to make things happen. This seemed completely opposite to my true nature which was to feel more relaxed, to feel at ease, to feel well-rested and to create beauty in the world. I was absolutely certain of it.
So I took a different direction in my business as well, because well... I could no longer continue to lead with what no longer seemed truthful to me. I have come to see over time that this was in essence a deep journey to trust myself, God, others, and the process of life. My trust as it turns out was very shaken and frankly I couldn't see it. I had been heart-broken and betrayed by different people along my path.
While broken open, I discovered that being vulnerable allowed me to experience my own strength and courage... which I had no idea I possessed to the degree that I did. I had never experienced myself this way.
Where I got the strength and courage from, I had no idea. Perhaps this is where I did have trust, but honestly my trust in others had been severely fractured.
It took a while to begin to trust. I now cultivate this daily. Because really it's a choice from within. I have gone back to journaling because more than anything I saw that I wanted to establish a trusting reliable relationship with my Self and with God.
I used to journal as a practice, in order to... so that... but frankly that got old after a while. I'm really good at starting new things and new practices because they feel fresh... but eventually the practice feels stale, and it no longer works if it remains on the external plane. That was my experience of it.
However, as I've prayed, sometimes in desperation and other times in sincerity, I've come to see that my personal responsibility is an action of sincerity and quality.
There is an action necessary. Sincere engagement in the process of life is essential. I can observe in my life where this is very easy for me and in other areas where it is not.
Eventually I went to work on the areas in which it is not easy. I became engaged in the process of cultivating a relationship in which I trust myself, God, others and the process of life. Step by step by step.
I also decided that because this was such a missing in my own life, I am now including it as a foundation in all of my coaching. It is woven in the fabric of all private coaching we do together to grow yourself and your business together.
Often clients have said, "I don't like that kind of marketing or that way of reaching out or this way of following up" and it's because it doesn't feel good to them. Why would they want to do it that way over and over when it doesn't feel good?
Yes, I understand that we must all do things we don't love to do at times, but when you get down to the essence of who you are and what you are engaged in the process of creating, trust, or rather, the lack of trusting yourself to do it well or to do it all, will take you down so fast you won't even be able to see what it was.
I am coming back to my signature program, Elevate to Elegance which holds the pillars of elegance and all the structures for building your business plus the foundation of trust to allow you to take action from your own deeper knowing. Mindset work is great as long as it's not on top of you operating from fractured trust.
I knew that when I was no longer able to make it happen, something wasn't being addressed. I could see the landscape in the coaching industry saying it's all mindset work. It is not all mindset work. There are other Universal laws at play. There is your own life experience to work with and to heal from. These cannot be "fixed" by layering mindset work on top of a core wound you can't even see.
Trusting yourself is huge. If you have it in certain areas of your life and not in others, then you know how it feels to not have it.
In business, might it look like this for you?
If any of this resonates with you, I get it.
I now offer you the chance to work with me at this new deeper level, to finally rebuild the integrity which has been lost and to build your unique business from a rock-solid foundation.
If you have been following me for a while, you'll know that over the past twenty months, I've been turning the ship of my business around to take on being led by wisdom.
When we work together, we create your marketing and programs from wisdom. We speak and sell from wisdom. Yes, there is strategy but as I like to say we do Strategy and Spirit together.
Furthermore, now we are including trust in the foundation and the fabric of your elegant life and business.
Do you hear something for yourself here? Want to explore further? Click here!
With love and elegance,
Françoise Everett, MS is a facilitator, feminine leadership coach, author, speaker and lifestyle business owner. She works and supports women entrepreneurs and women who hold leadership positions by unlocking their inner wisdom, feminine power, and hidden richness.