My mother was the source. As all mothers are.
My daughter was the catalyst.
And then as the wheel turned full circle it was my mother who called for mastery.
Fourteen years ago when I first held my daughter at the moment of her adoption, I felt a deep opening in my heart.
I had begun to experience openings, awareness and insights, subtle at first, from the moment we filed the adoption papers, gradually building over time. Then finally 18 months later after many bureaucratic hurdles, many nights of anticipation, and a long plane ride to Beijing and then on to Changsha, a large city in the Hunan Province of central China, we finally held her in our arms. What joy! What excitement!
And ever since that glorious day she has been the catalyst calling me to be ever more truthful, honest, loving, giving, and growing; transforming all of my life in a powerful and loving way. Not in some kind of direct way necessarily, but just by her being.
I imagine many mothers feel that.
My daughter shows up like a truth serum for me. She always has. Whatever is not in Truth gets exposed... if not immediately to her, then certainly to me. And then suddenly I have a choice: to live in light of a new truth... or not.
I have thought a lot about who I was when she came into my life. Who was I that she was this catalyst for? I’ll tell you - I was the product of my relationship with my mother. Or rather my decisions about my mother. I had shaped my life around what I thought I had to be in order to please my mother.
And what I could not be or do.
I was afraid of her disapproval.
I was afraid of her judgment.
I built a wall. A protective wall.
And I lived inside of it.
Even though I was successful in many ways I kept my True Self hidden away and unavailable. Until my daughter came. And then I began to change. And now I have come full circle. Back to where it all began.
I spent the last three weeks with my mother, helping her move. She finally had enough of the New England winters and decided to move from Newport to New Mexico. Always something with New in it I guess.
For years whenever I would go back to Newport to visit my mother, I would shrink down into that little girl who was afraid to be herself lest she incur the disapproval of her mother. My mother is not a bad person. I said before it was not her, but rather my decisions about her. And my fear of being myself around her. And then by extension, my fear of being truly myself anywhere.
So I had a choice when I went up there. Either be myself as I have grown to be, or retreat back inside my protective wall.
I experienced a deep, habitual tendency to return to my former self, my smaller self, only this time I saw it. I chose to be myself as I have grown to be. Not easy, but strangely not difficult either.
There have been times in my life where criticism and judgment from my mother, and even from friends would absolutely tear me apart. I was barely able to handle these judgments.
We try to avoid the judgment from one parent. And the other parent. And our siblings. And our partner. And our friends. And the online world. And in doing this, we shrink our world.
It gets smaller and smaller and smaller. Our True Self gets smothered.
This time, however, I went to Newport with the clear intention of staying true to myself even in the face of my mother's sometimes overpowering energy. And the most amazing thing happened.
I found that I could stay true to myself. I was not blown about by the old fears and judgments. The judgments dissolved. The fear went away. They never even came up.
And you know what? I discovered that I love my mother the same as I love my daughter. And my relationship with her was miraculously healed.
I know, amazing right? It is.
How did this happen?
It came straight out of the Six Pillars of Elegance.
What is that? It's coming home to yourself.
That's what my work is all about.
To learn more, please join me next week on Facebook each day, Monday through Friday, at 11am ET. I will show you how this experience arises directly from my work with the Six Pillars of Elegance, and how that can greatly and truly benefit you in your own life.
With love and elegance,
Françoise Everett, MS is a facilitator, feminine leadership coach, author, speaker and lifestyle business owner. She works and supports women entrepreneurs and women who hold leadership positions by unlocking their inner wisdom, feminine power, and hidden richness.